She-Wolf
Dream League Admin
Child of the Forest
"I'm not afraid to die - and I'd do anything to get scum like you out of this city."
Posts: 75
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Post by She-Wolf on Jul 22, 2011 13:08:25 GMT -8
Tangeriiiine! <3 Seeing her interact with She-Wolf, even if it was just for a paragraph, made me smile - I want to see more of them together!
Archimedes was adorable in this chapter, perfectly in-character, and plantvaginamonster Sunshine was indeed sexy. Keep it up!
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Cold Shadow
Dream League Admin
Shadow of Justice
Posts: 74
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Post by Cold Shadow on Jul 27, 2011 20:32:19 GMT -8
Sorry, folks and friends. There will be no new chapter this week. There's just too much going on right now. Hopefully one will be up next week.
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Cold Shadow
Dream League Admin
Shadow of Justice
Posts: 74
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Post by Cold Shadow on Aug 10, 2011 22:35:05 GMT -8
Sorry for the huge lapse between ch5-ch6, to anyone waiting for chapter 6. This is still going; I just can't guarantee how soon the next chapter will be up, or the frequency thereafter. Collin has been in a rather unappealing writing slump as of late.
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Dreamchild
Dream League Admin
The Dream Come True
"Open your mind..."
Posts: 206
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Post by Dreamchild on Aug 10, 2011 22:50:30 GMT -8
It happens to all of us, dear. Don't beat yourself up!
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Cold Shadow
Dream League Admin
Shadow of Justice
Posts: 74
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Post by Cold Shadow on Sept 3, 2011 18:13:38 GMT -8
Chapter 6 is (finally) up. Thanks for being patient, everyone! And thus, the Makai Emissary and Luvont are at last mentioned, having not come up since the prologue. And here you are introduced to two of Luvont's cronies: Chalcis and none other than the Dream League's own foe, the Puppet Master. Usalies and Hansborough are two of Nimus' most prominent heroes, so where does that leave us with Usalies becoming a pawn of Puppet Master? Brief character info: Usalies Personality: Proper and dignified, his honor and nobility are apparent qualities in him despite not being of noble blood. He harbors a rare quality among men in that he is genuinely virtuous and empathetic, and has a genuine desire to help others without any thought of personal gain. He is modest and humble, never one to boast of his achievements or abilities, and he places honesty in high regard. His honorable nature causes him to only accept fair fights, and he despises back-handed tactics in combat. His most notable drawback would be his temper, which can sometimes get the better of him. But this curse is also a gift, as his Breakthrough can occasionally activate at his emotional peak. Another personal flaw would be the hate he harbored for his father’s killer; a desire for vengeance which even Usalies despised about himself. Though he was able to overcome this in time, and set aside his hatred. Usalies would prefer to keep much of his past to himself, and very few individuals are privy to the circumstances surrounding his experience in watching his father murdered. He also rarely speaks of his mother. Personal Quote: “My allegiance is to Afron itself, not Afron’s monarchs. If any danger were to befall Afron I would rise to defend it, and its people. Even if the source of said danger were rooted within Afron’s castle walls themselves.” Brief character info: Hansborough Personality: Originally a troubled soul, he shunned his emotions and was a cold, callous individual. Upon purging his inner demons into a separate entity, Kusuyama, Hansborough′s personality took on a dramatic change. He became carefree, calm, and gained witty, cynical mannerisms. He came to appreciate the simpler aspects of life, and would often meditate and daydream in the beauty of nature, spending hours merely staring up at the blue sky. Gone was the duty-bound Chapal Taiden, and Hansborough became more of a free-spirit, being viewed as irresponsible by some, lazy by others. He is more improper and informal than any other Afron general. On the battlefield his calm, serene demeanor gives way to a rather efficient, quick-thinking, quick-moving individual. The change is drastic enough to surprise most who had seen him in his tranquil moments outside of combat. He is very loyal to his comrades, and takes great measures to protect the men serving under him and other generals, as well as their men. He would selflessly forfeit his own life if only to save a single, low-ranking cadet, because he views all of his allies as equals during the heat of battle, and would never for a moment place his own life as one of higher value than anyone else′s, regardless of rank or status. Though a military general, Hansborough detests war and needless killing, and was quite disheartened when war erupted between Afron and Estar. On the battlefield he takes as few enemy lives as possible, commonly sprinting past inconsequential warriors and making a beeline only toward targets who, when defeated, would alter the course of the battle. Personal Quote: “To live forever as a monster, or to live but a single life as a man. The decision was never difficult to make, really.” And so, I'd like to ask everyone: What do you think of the story up to this point? Which are/is your favorite character(s)? Do you have a favorite chapter thus far? Do you like how the adventures of each individual group are being split between individual chapters? I'd love to get more feedback.
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Savage
Dream League Member
Don't get him angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry...
Posts: 59
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Post by Savage on Sept 3, 2011 21:33:49 GMT -8
I am so behind on this story. I'm going to try my darndest to catch back up soon, but it's good to see you rolling out more chapters.
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Dreamchild
Dream League Admin
The Dream Come True
"Open your mind..."
Posts: 206
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Post by Dreamchild on Sept 4, 2011 18:57:11 GMT -8
I love your fanfic so far, Collin! The story is genuinely interesting, and it's always a thrill to see a crossover fic that works. I've read a few crossover fics in my day, and most of them ended up being unfocused, cluttered, and overcrowded. But you deftly avoid the traps. The Dream League Universe and the Nimus Horizons Universe are very different in tone, but you actually made them gel together and work. As you said, Nimus is toned down for this fanfic, but I still don't get a sense that you're holding yourself back, or that the feel of Nimus has been compromised.
Regarding individual groups, I think you chose the right path. That's how you do it in a fanfic like this, I think. Ensemble casts are always great, but the story can get very muddy very quickly if 20ish characters are constantly together in action scenes. It's always a bummer when characters literally have to fight for development and spotlight time, and the more characters in a single undivided group, the more likely character development suffers. Thankfully, you avoid this by dividing the heroes up into groups. The frequent change of focus gives the story a more in-depth feel, kinda like a movie, and the characters all have chances to shine this way. I like this approach.
As for my favorite characters so far, I won't choose anyone of the Dream League. So far, you're doing an excellent job retaining the integrity of every Disney character (i.e., their personality and what they would likely say in any given situation). Anyway, my favorite Nimus characters so far are Korbin and his sexy-ass family, Harprai (especially his, ahem, Sunshine form), Hansborough, and Random Monk #3.
I really like this story, and I'll continue to eagerly anticipate each new chapter down the road!
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Cold Shadow
Dream League Admin
Shadow of Justice
Posts: 74
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Post by Cold Shadow on Sept 17, 2011 21:08:21 GMT -8
Chapter 7 up.
A lot occurred in this chapter! Every group is now aware that they have found themselves in an entirely new world. Durango informs the group that a character whose description matches Cold Shadow also passed over. Why did he head to Relicar? For every answer it seems that several questions crop up, no?
Sigma: the most prominent hero of Nimus, his exploits known worldwide, his acts of heroism the stuff of legend, his power beyond the comprehension of most. Does he know more than he let on, or is he merely an irresponsible, childish jackass?
Brief character info: Kindly
Personality: Ambitious and energetic, he values himself as an up-and-coming hero who will one day be as recognized as the legendary heroes of the world. He will never hesitate to help someone in need, and his bravery is beyond questioning, as he will fearlessly confront opponents who are clearly out of his league. His heart is in the right place more often than not, though he is certainly naïve. He is upbeat, optimistic, outgoing, and decidedly friendly. His loyalty to his friends and comrades is commendable. Though he tries to appear intimidating in the face of villains, his adorable mannerisms (including a tendency to purr or mewl along with the delivery of his sentences), non-threatening tone of voice, and general movements convey that he anything but menacing. He is clumsy and sometimes oblivious, perceiving circumstances incorrectly.
Personal Quote: “I can help you! Yes! I insist! Heroes need to help fellow heroes out, y′know? Or anyone in need, rather!”
Also, I would still appreciate more feedback, folks.
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Dreamchild
Dream League Admin
The Dream Come True
"Open your mind..."
Posts: 206
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Post by Dreamchild on Sept 18, 2011 4:13:08 GMT -8
I know I've said this, like, three times already, but this really is my favorite chapter so far, and not just because it's very lengthy. In fact, even though it's very lengthy I could not stop once I started, and it was over before I knew it.
Kindly is super adorable, and I want to adopt him. I instantly recognized Durango, long before his name was revealed. In fact, I felt so cool recognizing a lot of your material, such as Stardust City. I never thought I'd see any Disney character cross over into that realm, but you made it happen. My life is complete!
On a more serious note, probably the main reason why this chapter is my favorite is your treatment of Sunshine. This chapter is definitely Sunshine's most prominent role in the story, thus far. Yes, she is super sweet and compassionate and, at times, naive, but there's one important fact about Sunshine that you've remembered: she is not stupid. She is never dumb, and if I've ever been guilty of slipping up that rule, I deserve to have my ass kicked. Sunshine, after losing a battle, nevertheless stood up against a vastly overpowered man and told him like it is. When I read this chapter's climax, I smiled. You totally nailed her (err, personality-wise, not sexually).
But Sunshine's not alone. I would go far enough to say you'd make a perfect Donald/Duck Avenger, and I could rest easy passing the torch to you, should I ever die prematurely (perish the thought!). I can't speak for L, but I really love what you're doing with El Tirador. He's definitely funny, and I love his frequent womanizing overtones, just like in the RPG forum itself.
I don't know if this is the kind of feedback you wanted, because I feel like I'm just rambling. But this chapter made me very happy. Sunshine is sexier than life. I want to snuggle Kindly until he coughs a hairball. That's all I got to close this!
Edit: Cold Shadow's surprise inclusion made me squeal in delight. <3
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