Post by Ice Pirate on Jun 16, 2011 17:13:51 GMT -8
The Marvelous Tale of Ice Pirate
as told by my magnificent self, Don Karnage
as told by my magnificent self, Don Karnage
Once upon a long time ago, one of the finest families in Europe achieved their finest moment: I was born.
Esteban Rodolfo Raoul Karnage was a beautiful little baby and a child prodigy, who grew up to be a brilliant and handsome young man. Everybody who knew him loved him. And even those who did not know him loved him, for they wished that they could know him and love him even more so. Anyway...
When this magnificent fellow finally after such a long time of many years waiting and waiting finally inherited the family estate and title (what did you think, that 'Don' is short for 'Donald?'), what do you think? He found that the money is almost all gone away!
The silly lawyer-type persons said to live simply and stop spending so much. But a man must have the necessities of life, like caviar and silk shirts and private airplanes.
So, what is a fellow to do? He finds a way to get the things he needs. If he is the world's greatest pilot and swordsman, then he becomes an air pirate.
Guess what? That is just what he did! And the Dread Pirate Don Karnage became the Scourge of the Skies, gathering a band of fearsome pirates to--what? What do you mean, "Hurry it up?" All right, all right!
Skipping over the very exciting story of my early years of plundering, we come to the day the big rock from outer space came crashing down--boom!--outside of Cape Suzette. Thinking it might be valuable, of course I led my crew to the spot.
Oh, yes, this was a very, very valuable glowing rock. It gave me super-duper powers! And my cutthroat crew as well. Now, Don Karnage is Ice Pirate, the even more terrifying Scourge of the Skies, who, with his band of super-powered pirates strikes frozen fear into the frightened hearts of the fearful--what? Running out of space?
All right, all right, andheplunderedhappilyeverafter. The end
