Post by Dreamchild on Jul 15, 2011 1:09:23 GMT -8
Is the fourth time the charm? Or should this franchise permanently sleep in the briny deep?
People still pay money to watch this tired and overinflated franchise that, frankly, should have ended one installment ago. The series still has its fans, and bless them for having a good time. I really like, if not love, Curse of the Black Pearl. I thought Dead Man's Chest was okay, but heavily flawed. At World's End... well, I was definitely at my wit's end when I watched it. And now we have On Stranger Tides, which, for all we know, is the first of a new trilogy starring some of the franchise's most beloved characters. But that shouldn't happen.
The fact is, I was disappointed with On Stranger Tides... AND MY EXPECTATIONS COULD LITERALLY NOT HAVE BEEN ANY LOWER.[/i][/u] I didn't pay to watch the movie (my sister did), and I still felt underwhelmed. I’ve never read On Stranger Tides the novel, which also inspired the Monkey Island adventure game series. So I can’t use that book as a comparison. I certainly hope it’s much better than its film adaptation, though.
Early in the film, Joshamee Gibbs describes Captain Jack Sparrow as a pirate who has "never been the most predictable of sorts." Sorry, Mr. Gibbs, but Jack Sparrow is predictable now. He’s old hat. This wasn't always the case, though; I don't think anyone expected Captain Jack to be so charming and memorable in Curse of the Black Pearl, back in 2003 (has it seriously been that long already?). But as the sequels passed, which have increasingly lost quality with each installment, Jack Sparrow has lost much of his charm and unpredictability. He’s not a memorable, meaty character anymore. He’s just a poster child of catchphrases and predictable shtick.
Case in point: On Stranger Tides (2011). I watched the film in a theater room cramped with excited fans, but here's the thing: they laughed giddily even when Jack Sparrow didn't do jack shit. There was a scene where Jack simply sat on a chair. That's all he did. Sure, he had a quizzical look on his face, but all he did was sit down. And yet the fans behind me suppressed guffaws. Even though Jack didn't do anything, they already anticipated the upcoming punchline. If Jack Sparrow isn't predictable now, then I don't know what is.
Is On Stranger Tides worse than At World's End? I don't think so, but it still suffers from the same problems that plagued its two predecessors. The movie complicates matters needlessly. We have the Spanish in this movie, but they're not needed. And by that, I mean their presence amounts to nothing other than a joke. We have a pretty nondescript, personality-deprived missionary who, unfortunately, is this film's Will Turner, and his mermaid lover the new Elizabeth. I don't object to a romantic pairing, but when it's this bland and a mere imitation of the previous films, it makes me yearn to take a long walk off a short pier. The actress playing the mermaid is especially lacking; she just breathes noisily, looks frightened, and... that's about it.
Unfortunately, there are more bad performances in this movie. Richard Griffiths makes for a spectacularly annoying King George II. Yes, I know, Pirates of the Caribbean has always called for exaggeration and overacting, and all the main characters ham it up to the camera often. But Griffiths makes it a mission to OVERACT. Even by Pirates standards, his performance as George is terrible. I'm trying to think of a minor character from a live-action Disney film I hate more than King George II, but I can't come up with any right now. Griffiths's performance made me look away from the screen and pray for his unbearable mugging to end. Which is staggering; the actor is capable of much better...
In the past, I've made no effort to conceal my hatred of the bland, boring villain Cutler Beckett. Before I watched On Stranger Tides, I figured, "Hey, at least this has Blackbeard! That’s pretty cool! I had a really big interest in Blackbeard when I was a kid, so, if anything, this should be interesting!" Sad to say, Ian McShane doesn't do it for me as Blackbeard. This is disappointing, because I love McShane. But his character is just a gruffer, leather-skinned Beckett. All he does is just snarl and growl and that's about it. His relationship with Penélope Cruz's Angelica isn't convincing, which is a bummer.
Angelica is the best new character in the franchise. She has spunk, she’s sexy, and she’s, unfortunately, not executed well. There’s a really great character rattling in Angelica somewhere, but her relationship with Blackbeard just doesn’t feel as emotional as it should have been. And her fate is completely out of the blue and undeserved. Not to mention, she was obviously pregnant while filming, because she barely moves around at all. There’s only one scene where she shows she might be Jack’s equal, but the film needed more of those scenes. How can we believe she can take on Jack with such a restrained performance?
Geoffrey Rush’s Barbossa is, in my opinion, the best character in the franchise, and he’s definitely the best character in this movie. Unfortunately, even the wonderful Barbossa is completely wasted here. In this movie, all he’s out for is to get his revenge. That’s right. He’s on a single-minded mission for revenge, much like Jack Sparrow in Black Pearl. Barbossa is a personality-rich character, so why is he being wasted here with petty vengeance? It’s very frustrating.
Just about the only really positive thing I can say about this film is the mermaid scene. It’s awesome. Is it worth the price of admission alone? Hell, no! But it’s awesome all the same. It’s hilarious to watch The Little Mermaid, and then jump right into this movie. The mermaids are sexy only when they want to be. Otherwise, they’re vicious man eaters. Why couldn’t there have been a whole movie based on them? And why didn’t they get a better actress to be the ‘main’ mermaid? Damn it, my only praise for this film went back to being negative!
I also liked the scenes where Jack Sparrow and Barbossa are on screen, together, because it reminded me of the movie I admired in 2003. The Curse of the Black Pearl fought against the odds. It proved that, with the right handle of care, a movie based on a theme park ride could be entertaining. It was yo ho ho and a bottle of fun.
This movie, contrariwise, is yo ho ho and a bottle of ho hum.
I watched this movie on the Day of Rapture. The prophecy damn near came true for me.
* and a 1/2 out of ****
