Post by Donald Duck on Mar 14, 2010 3:49:17 GMT -8
What happens when you take a popular cartoon star from Denmark's two feature-length movies and give them really, really crappy English dubs?
It appears that a lot of us here in FK are at least vaguely familiar with either Hugo or Rita. Jungledyret Hugo is evidently a popular franchise in Denmark. The character Hugo has been the star of three feature-length films (two animated traditionally and the third by CGI) and an animated series. It's great that Denmark has a popular cartoon star like Hugo!
Unfortunately, this movie sucks.
This movie really, really, really sucks. I'm not even going to try to hide my opinion, or reveal it after a gradual buildup: right off the bat, I need to make this loud and clear. This movie (especially the English dub), Go Hugo Go, is truly one of the worst animated films I have ever watched. I cannot say how better the original Danish version is, but I can't imagine it being extraordinarily better, to be honest. This is just a bad movie.
Well, might as well get the synopsis out of the way! Allow me to introduce a really bad movie: Go Hugo Go (1993, although the English dub is much, much more recent). Probably better known as Jungledyret.
The character Hugo is an animated something. He's not a bear, a mouse, or a monkey. He seems to be some kind of hybrid, but the franchise makes it absolutely clear that Hugo is very unique, and probably the only of his kind!
"Getting tangled up in hijinks is what Tiggers--er--Hugos do best!"
The movie starts with one of the worst titles I've ever seen implemented in an animated film, dub or not.
Oh, boy. Better prepare yourself, folks!
The movie credits actor Bronson Pinchot as the English dub's voice of Hugo.
Wonderful. Now who the hell is Bronson Pinchot?
No, I'm serious. I have no idea who Mr. Pinchot is. I never heard of him before in my life. And after hearing his "acting" in this movie, I probably should be thankful. I hate you with all my life, Pinchot. I really, really hate you with all my life for what you've put me through with this performance.
Jeez, I'm a wreck. I'm hate-stabbing the movie, and I'm not even a minute in my review. Maybe I shouldn't review a movie when I'm this disgruntled? Whatever, I'll press on!
The camera descends into a jungle, passing trees and jungle wildlife. With these visuals, and the hippie-esque synth music playing in the background, I am overwhelmingly reminded of Ferngully. Except Ferngully, unlike Go Hugo Go, isn't a terrible movie; that's the biggest difference.
The camera stops on a sleeping Hugo. The whatever wakes up, eats, and then drops down to a pair of sleeping monkeys. Hugo, ever the likable fellow, ties said monkeys' tails together, and then screams to wake them up, and allows them to hurt themselves. We're not even two minutes into this movie, and I loathe Hugo already. What a jerk!
The monkeys don't seem to mind though! In fact, they jovially bid Hugo a good morning, and they all sing a song. The songs in this movie are spectacularly catchy and with intelligent words. In fact, read these visceral lyrics:
Woola woola, tap tap!
Tickle tickle, snap snap!
Kissy kissy, clap clap!
What a happy day!
[/i]Tickle tickle, snap snap!
Kissy kissy, clap clap!
What a happy day!
I'm actually not bothered by the frequent kissing of Hugo and the monkeys; I'm more perturbed by how truly awful the lyrics are. The melody is unmemorable enough, but, goodness gracious! Wow!
At least they're having fun.
After the song very abruptly (to the point of being awkward) ends, we move from the annoying trio to meet... our annoying pair of villains! Meet Izabella, a self-centered starlet who craves for having an unusual animal to co-star with her. Actually, she also wants an unusual animal to keep, as she whines about similar celebrities having unusual pets. For example, the Maharajah of Zsa Zsa Gaborada (I see what you did there, Izabella) has a very rare white elephant, and a guy named Michael (a blatant caricature of Michael Jackson) has both a rare puma and a rare monkey.
Wow. Following the death of Michael Jackson, this picture is lightweight offensive, eh? And is it just me, or does the monkey look offensive, too?
By the way, Izabella's features kinda remind me of Narissa.
Maybe it's the breasts. I don't know.
Izabella's agent is Conrad, who almost always speaks with clenched teeth. Izabella's whiny begging eventually gets to Conrad. But more on that soon!
Back to Hugo and the monkeys. The monkeys are named Zig and Zag, by the way.
"I heard my name, Zigzag! I head it very clear!
Are you not Joseph, whose breath smells like beer?"
Uh, no. My bad; I meant Zig and Zag the monkeys. Not you--
"You wasted my time; you wasted it very well. And now I'll deal with you, by putting you in a cell!
Ho, is that so? I'd like to see you try that, Ziggy. After all, I'm calling the shots in this review!
"OH, FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIDO! Go on and kill that man!"
You have no power over me.
Sorry for the interference! Anyway, we return to Hugo, Zig, and Zag. Hugo, while swinging via vines, accidentally pulls the tail of a purple snake, and they both plummet to the ground. The snake obviously wants to eat Hugo, but Hugo manages to convince the snake that, should said snake eat the whatever, Hugo would prove to be quite toxic to the would-be predator. The snake, terrified, cowers away, leaving Hugo and his monkey friends to giggle.
Back to the villains! Hey, that was a rather short cutaway. They discuss in their boat about capturing an unusual animal.
Good guess, but no.
Conrad enlists the aid of a shockingly stereotypical native. By now, the biggest problem with the movie's acting is apparent: the characters never, ever, ever, ever, EVER shut the hell up. When they don't talk, they grunt, groan, hum, go MMMM like Morshu, gasp, et cetera. They never shut up, for crying out loud. Here's the best way to describe this. Have you ever watched The Dark Crystal? Do you remember that Chamberlain Skeksis, the one that continually whimpers and never shuts up?
Well, take that one character's unbearably annoying trait, and apply it to every character in Go Hugo Go. That's right; every character in this movie whimpers constantly just like that one Skeksis.
HOLY.
[FREAKING.]
[CRAP.]
Add that fact to the horrible quality of the acting in general, and you can understand why this movie is the bane of my existence. The native proceeds with an excruciatingly unfunny routine, mimicking rare animals such as the dodo, but Izabella insists that the animal must be more unusual. The native then mimics a Hugo, and Izabella agrees to the suggestion, because Hugo is "cute."
He is? I think he's kinda repulsive, honestly.
Not funny.
Conrad and Mr. Insensitive Stereotype search for Hugo. Meanwhile, Hugo finds out that his monkey friends are asleep. Hugo, ever the likable fellow, mischievously tickles one of the monkeys. The monkey laughs hysterically and then inadvertently strikes Hugo on the nose. This deeply offends Hugo, and he vows to leave the jungle and never return.
I have two things, Hugo. 1) You asked for it. You tickled someone while he was sleeping, and he struck you. What the hell did you expect? And 2) at the beginning of the movie, you tied Zig and Zag's tails together, screamed, allowed them to get harmed, and then untied their tails so they could fall and get harmed even more. Who the hell are you to suddenly get butthurt by being bopped on the nose, after doing all of that?
I do not like Hugo in any way, shape, or form. I might as well stop watching this movie, because I fear couldn't sympathize with Hugo. Wait a minute... I have watched this movie already, and, yes, I couldn't sympathize with him at all.
Hugo is soon caught by Conrad and the native, and is brought to Izabella. Izabella is delighted, but Hugo manages to bite her on the nose, gets released from her grip, and jumps off the boat, into the water. The boat gives chase, but Hugo falls down a waterfall. Izabella, Conrad, and the eavesdropping monkeys all believe Hugo to be dead. ... I wish. Hugo is in fact alive, but he is swept away to a banana plantation. Hugo happily climbs a tree, eats a banana, and then sleeps on the bunch of bananas. I'm reminded of Tally Hall!
The next morning, the bunch Hugo sleeps on is taken, dropped into a sack, and loaded onto a banana boat. Day-o! Hugo, a captive in the sack, is loaded into the belly of the ship. Please tell me there's no rapping dogs here! If there is, I will seriously shut the movie off and never give it a second thought. ... Wait! I hope there is a rapping dog! I hope, I hope! Nah, just my luck. Instead there is a couple of rats with strange accents. They free Hugo, and the thankful Hugo leaves the cargo hold and engages in a lengthy yet unfunny sequence on deck. If the ship is really that rocky, then I'd be hesitant to board it!
Hugo ends up in the kitchen and befriends Meatball Charlie. Meatball Charlie? That sounds like a porno pseudonym! Meatball Charlie is an especially lame character. He sounds like a bad imitation of Alf, his design is unsettling, and his song is just as bad as, if not worse than, the previous song! Here are some lyrics from Meatball Charlie's song:
I am a chef of the seven seas
I thrill the world with my recipes
I used to cook all alone, just me
It's nice to have some company!
I thrill the world with my recipes
I used to cook all alone, just me
It's nice to have some company!
Last summer, I had the worst case of influenza in years. I puked every twenty minutes for hours, and I felt like I was going to die. Yet as I wretched and writhed as vomit poured from my mouth, I'm pretty sure I made better music than this dreck. Yeeeach.
And what's with all these characters making constant noises? Look, just because you're not talking doesn't mean you have to grunt to be convincing. Sure, making non-speaking noises can enhance a scene in an animated film, but if it's done as constant and sloppy as what's heard in Go Hugo Go, then it just makes the watcher long for the mute button. Horrible. Just horrible.
Ewwww!
Ichabod does it better.
Unfortunately for Hugo, Izabella and Conrad happen to be on board, and the villainous duo soon realize that Hugo is in fact alive, and heading for the city.
Meatball Charlie, out of an act of compassion, donates Hugo to the nearest zoo when they reach the city. Izabella and Conrad reach the city, too, and vow to catch him somehow. Hugo is a one-minute sensation in the zoo, but he instantly wishes he was home. Fortunately, he meets a bizarrely-popular-in-4chan fox, Rita. This is after a gratingly long-winded and unfunny rambling monologue from a lion. Rita and Hugo start to bond, but eventually the fox takes off.
Before Hugo can think any further, Conrad and a goon reach the whatever's cage, and force the door open. Hugo manages to escape, but he is nearly killed by night traffic several times, before making it on a roof's top. Scared, alone and even more annoying than before, he falls asleep. What's the first thing that happens to him when he wakes up the following morning? A bird craps on his hand, of course! Charming. He finds food at a produce stand, and eats it down faster than Michael Bay devours a beloved franchise. Hugo's scarfing gets the attention of an unfunny poodle, who is in the movie much too long for its own good.
Hugo and the poodle share a very long conversation. I'm surprised 1) there's no one on the streets of this supposedly bustling city and 2) no one is noticing a whatever sitting blatantly on a produce stand. Anyway, Hugo sneaks into the car that the poodle is in, and hides in the owner of the car's bag.
What is this character's name? Who cares?
Hugo, the poodle, and its owner return to said owner's house. Hugo has fun at the poodle's expense; Hugo pushes valuable objects from the owner's shelf, and the poodle frantically tries to catch every such item. Where are Tom and Jerry when you need them? Eventually, Hugo manages to get the poodle in trouble, and Hugo moves into a different room. A very dark room. A very dark room with a lot of creepy toys.
I have to be honest; this is by far the coolest shot in the whole movie. Of course, it's ruined by the constant whimpering of Hugo--WILL THESE CHARACTERS PUT A [BLASTED] SOCK IN IT?!
Wait a minute... is that a ninja turtle on the right?!
The owner's two kids enter the room, turn on the light, and immediately take a liking to Hugo. Alas, this is not mutual! They dress Hugo up in baby's clothing, and embarrass the hell out of him. Good.
"I'll hold it and cuddle it and call it George!"
Hugo fools the two kids that he's sleeping, so they leave him be. Once they're gone, Hugo escapes the house and ends up in an alley, where he meets up with Rita again! They decide to dine on trash (or at least, Rita decides to), and they open a dumpster. Rita jumps in and digs for food that Hugo can eat. What follows is my favorite line in the whole movie, because it's so bad. Rita rises with a banana peel on her head and she exclaims with forced enthusiasm: "Banana peels! Wow!" I'm serious; it is unspeakably horrible. Every single line in this dreadful movie has been horrible up to this point, but this is... amazing. Just the way she exclaims it, just the fact that a fox is stoked on banana peels... smashing!
But Hugo isn't happy. He exclaims that he hates bananas, and requests for something else. Wait a minute, what? Why the sudden inconsistency, Hugo? You ate quite a few bananas up to this point, so why are you suddenly so picky? I guess Hugo is saying he doesn't like bananas because bananas is what got him in this pickle.
Bananas... bananas... bananas... all this talk of bananas is driving me bananas!
DO YOU WANT A BANANA? PEEL IT DOWN AND GO MM, MM, MM, MM!
But I digress. Rita mentions to Hugo that foxes and cats do not get along! Speaking of Rita, I must take this time to mention Rita's voice. It's annoying. It is a female Hugo, so my ears are being popped in the pooters until their butts bleed. Unsatisfied with the menu, Hugo and Rita find a skateboard and skate through town while singing a bad song. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they were developing romantic feelings!
After the sequence, Hugo and Rita eavesdrop on a group of cats. Rita tells Hugo that the cats wait outside of a restaurant for scraps. Hugo, ever the likable fellow--yes, I say this because Hugo is anything but likable, in my opinion--smugly tells Rita not to worry, and smugly waltzes up to the Felidae extras. The cats immediately take a disliking to Hugo--just like me!--but Hugo convinces the cats that he is an expert mouse caller. He isn't. The cats are pissed, and try to catch him. Hugo manages to get inside the building, eats a huge portion of cake, and hurls frosting at the cats until he is booted out by the chef. He is about to be attacked by the cats, but Rita, on the skateboard, rescues Hugo, and the two escape the cats altogether.
Rita is angry at Hugo for not listening to her (cats + foxes = a pointless sequence), so she threatens "good-bye" several times. Actually, she pretty much twists Hugo's arm to get him to apologize. When you have to force someone to apologize, it's not really an apology, now is it? Rita takes Hugo home with her, where they meet Rita's mom. She's a mother who's put-upon, yet is willing to help out Hugo due to Rita's begging. Rita and Hugo share a supposedly final moment together, before Rita's mom takes Hugo to the docks, where Hugo will board the banana boat back to the jungle.
The docks prove too dangerous for Rita's mom, so she ditches Hugo and wishes him luck. Heh. Hugo avoids Conrad, Izabella (who are still on the hunt!) by entering a lonely construction site. But the site proves not to be so lonely when Rita shows up! But before they can make out, the cats return and surround both Hugo and Rita. They're none-too-happy, and all but admit their plans to kill them. Hugo and Rita attempt to dupe the cats into believing them to be contagious, but the cats are too smart and don't buy it.
This is my exact reaction while I watched this movie.
The cats are scared off by Izabella and Conrad's car, and Hugo and Rita fall down into a sewer. This sewer sequence contains the film's most obvious use of early CGI. Meanwhile, Conrad and Izabella realize that Hugo is heading for the docks, and deduce that he's heading for the banana boat. Hugo and Rita make it to the docks, but get separated. Hugo avoids Conrad, Izabella, their goons, and makes it on the banana boat. Izabella whines and moans to Conrad, and he finally snaps at her, calling her a "spoiled, bratty, second-rate actress." It took him long enough. Conrad doesn't speak through clenched teeth here; his teeth is now noticeably razor-sharp. Sexy. Izabella curses to the sky, Conrad leaves, and... that's the last we see of the villains.
"I want something else for dinner tonight, Garfield."
The ship is leaving dock, but Hugo is sad that he didn't get to say good-bye to Rita, and will likely never see her again. Too bad her grating-ass voice calls after him; they manage to say good-bye to each other after all by calling out to each other, and agree that they are the best of friends. Meatball Charlie finds Hugo, and volunteers to return him to the jungle, because life in the zoo obviously didn't work out. Meatball Charlie sounds like Alf the more I listen to him, but that's not the reason why I hate him. I hate him because he sucks.
Back at home, Meatball Charlie takes Hugo back into the jungle by a cab. The rats on the ship wave good-bye to Hugo. Wow, I totally forgot they ever existed! The driver of the cab is the native who helped capture Hugo in the first place. Hugo recognizes him and smiles happily.
...
I [really] hate this movie so much.
Hugo meets Zig and Zag, and they start singing their kissy song again. They hang out with Meatball Charlie, and the end credits play. It plays over clips from the movie. No, please don't subject me to this crap any longer!
This English dub is horrible; it's definitely one of the worst I've ever seen. This movie is only 68 minutes (five minutes shorter than the original Danish version), but it feels so much longer. The pacing is a mess, the characters are either unlikable or uninteresting, the acting is terrible and annoying, the music is atrocious, the uninspired and unmemorable score is all done by synthesizers, the animation is lacking (the characters might look fine as drawings, but they don't look so hot when in motion)... this movie is an insult to the senses.
I honestly doubt the original Danish version is that much better. Even if the acting is better and the songs are of higher quality (that's a seriously big 'if,' people), the fact remains that this movie has a bland, unmemorable story. Hugo and Rita may be popular, but they certainly don't leave a lasting impression on me.
I hate this movie. I'm sorry, but I do. The movie has an appropriate title. Go away, Hugo. Go, and never return to me, ever! Alas, fate is most cruel. Do you know why I'm depressed right now? There's the sequel... Tune in tomorrow, folks!
Damn, this movie got me hungry for bananas...
½ of * out of ****
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Special thanks to Amanda for the Hugo and Rita/Tally Hall edited image, and for the Ichabod joke! Also thanks to YouTube user Mongobeans for the Skeksis video!
